Life’s Little Laughs: 8 Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone

Published June 22, 2024
Humor has a unique way of capturing the absurdities of everyday life, and these eight jokes are no exception. From unexpected twists and turns in "Good News and Bad News" to clever antics in "The Smart Way to Catch Burglars," each story promises a hearty laugh. Whether it's a vampire bat leading his friends on a wild goose chase, a casino adventure with a bottomless twist, or the comical realization that there’s no perfect match, these jokes highlight the amusing side of human nature and situations. Join us as we explore tales of misunderstood bus passengers, a vacation adventure at a peculiar hotel, and the price of companionship in Las Vegas. Each joke is a delightful reminder that sometimes, life’s quirks make for the best punchlines. Enjoy the ride through this collection of humor and wit!

lifes-little-laughs-8-jokes-to-tickle-your-funny-bone

{tocify} $title = {Table of contents}

Good News and Bad News

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Expected Party

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.
"OK, follow me," he said, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river, and into a forest full of trees. Finally, he slowed down, and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.
"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

The Smart Way to Catch Burglars

It was late and Charlie was about to climb into bed when his wife informed him that there was a light on in their garden shed.
Charlie started to go outside to turn off the light but noticed some people in the shed who were busy stealing his things.
He ran back inside right away and called the cops, who asked him, "Are there any intruders in your house?"
Charlie replied no and explained his circumstances. The cops told Charlie that all patrol cars were otherwise occupied, and that he should just lock his door, and a uniformed cop would be at his house when one was free.
Charlie answered, "Alright," hung up, waited 30 seconds, and then called the cops again.
"Hello, I just called a short while ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. I want to let you know that they're not a problem anymore because I've just shot every one of them."
Charlie then hung up the phone. In five short minutes, three patrol cars, a SWAT team, and an ambulance arrived. Of course, the cops caught the burglars in the act.
One of the cops snapped at Charlie: "I thought you said that you shot every one of them!"
"I thought you said there were no patrol cars free!" Charlie answered.

Two Dealers and a Very Attractive Lady

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive lady comes in and wants to bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m bottomless."
With that, she strips naked from the waist down and rolls the dice while yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!"
She then begins jumping up and down, hugging and kissing each of the dealers. "YES! I WIN! I WIN!"
With that, she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I don’t know! I thought YOU were watching!"

I've Been Looking for the Perfect Girl

A friend asked me the other day why I never got married.
I replied, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said my friend. "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was one girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl—the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her?" asked my friend.
I shrugged my shoulders and replied, "She was looking for the perfect man."

What Do You Get for $25?

George and Harriet were married for twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off rather rudely. Harriet objected, "George, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude."
"Harriet, she's a prostitute."
"I don’t believe you. That sweet young lady?"
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for Bambi to come to room 1217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it, and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively.
"So, I see you're interested after all," she said.
George asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."
After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it."
George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"

Ugly Baby

A woman gets on a bus holding a baby.
The bus driver says, "That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

How to Please a Woman

A group of girlfriends are on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor-by-floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."
So they start going up, and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.
The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.
They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain." They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continue on up.
On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.
There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."


Was this article helpful to you?
Thank!

Your response has been noted

0 Comments in the article "Life’s Little Laughs: 8 Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone"

Post a Comment

Choose Your Favorite Color